In this memoir, Jen Waite tells the story of her failed marriage. I decided to read the book after I saw the author being interviewed on television, and became curious about her tragic tale. ***** The date January 20, 2015 will be forever etched on Jen Waite's brain. It was on that day - when her baby Louisa was 3 weeks old - that Jen saw the e-mail from her husband Marco Medina to a real estate broker. The message read, "My girlfriend and I have decided to go with another apartment, but thank you for your time." What? Girlfriend? Jen hysterically confronted her husband, who explained that he'd been helping a Croatian co-worker look for a new place to live, and had mistakenly used the word girlfriend. In her confusion, Jen accepted this account - but not really - and her suspicions increased when she looked at the Croatian's Facebook page and saw a sexy blonde vixen. In addition, Marco's behavior became more and more disturbing, and he claimed that something was wrong with him because he 'felt nothing' when he looked at Jen and Louisa. Jen became terribly concerned about Marco's health, and tried to find ways to 'cure' him, but had little success. Eventually Jen came to fear that Marco had been having an affair with the Croatian (who she dubbed Croella) for months - starting when Jen was pregnant with Louisa.
Jen Waite
Jen Waite with her baby Louisa
(FYI: Marco Medina isn't his real name. According to Daily Entertainment News, "Waite, a former actress and model disguises her ex-hubby’s identity calling him “Marco” and also saying he is from Argentina but the real subject of her book is Carlos Beltran, originally from Colombia.")
Jen Waite's husband Marco Medina (aka Carlos Beltran)
Cruella DeVille from '101 Dalmations'
Marco consistently denied any wrongdoing, insisting he was 'just friends' with the foreigner.....who 'wasn't his type.' For her part, Jen tried to convince herself that Marco was a faithful husband. But the evidence of cheating built up.....Jen's blinders came off.....and the marriage imploded. This left Jen a single mother - depressed, devastated, and barely able to go on.
The book alternates between 'Before' and 'After.' In the 'Before' chapters, Jen writes about meeting Marco, and the intense courtship that led to their marriage. In the 'After' chapters, Jen details her step by step unveiling of Marco's perfidy, her decision to leave him, and the subsequent fallout that almost destroyed her.
*****
Before: Jen was an aspiring model and actress from Maine, living in New York City to further her career.
Jen Waite was an aspiring model and actress
She was waitressing to make ends meet, and rarely saw her long-distance boyfriend Jeff.
When Jen took a job at an about-to-open new restaurant, she met bar manager Marco at the orientation - and it was like lightning struck her.
Jen Waite was attracted by Marco's dark good looks
Marco - a dark, handsome Argentinian - overwhelmed Jen with flattery and attention (a behavior called 'love bombing') and appealed to her sympathy when he admitted that he was living in the country illegally; had been in two long-term - but failed - relationships; and had a son Seb....who lived with his mother.
Long story short, Jen fell madly in love with Marco and dumped Jeff. Marco seemed to be the ideal boyfriend - affectionate, respectful, charming, and ambitious.....and he got a thumbs up from Jen's friends and family. Jen went so far as to invest $75,000 in a restaurant Marco wanted to open, certain that they would be partners for life.
Jen Waite and Marco got engaged
Marco soon proposed, which led to marriage, pregnancy, and the birth of Louisa. Jen thought her life was perfect and she was ecstatically happy.....until that fateful day, January 20.
*****
After: Once Jen started to suspect that Marco was seeing Croella, she began to check his emails, phone records, take-out deliveries, and Uber account - and uncovered evidence of innumerable lies and deceptions.
Jen decided to leave her husband, but he acted sad and pathetic and - with the help of his parents - (initially) convinced her to stay.
Marco's infidelity continued, however, and Jen finally left with Louisa - moving to Maine to live with her parents. (Jen's parents are the heroes of the book. They're supportive and helpful, and always have their daughter's back.)
Jen Waite and Louisa moved to Maine
Though Jen moved out, she couldn't move on, and felt compelled to know everything that was going on between Marco and Croella. Thus, Jen CONSTANTLY refreshed her smartphone to look at Marco and Croella's posts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and so on. Jen spent hours and hours doing this every day.....unable to stop herself.
Furthermore, Jen discussed her sad situation with EVERYONE, and came to learn that Marco was serially unfaithful, and had cheated with waitresses throughout their courtship and marriage.
As Jen tried to make sense of the unhealthy partnership that she'd considered ideal, she became an amateur psychologist. Jen spent day after day looking up internet articles about cheating spouses, and concluded that Marco was a sociopath.
Jen Waite concluded that Marco was a sociopath
The urban dictionary defines a sociopath as follows: "Sociopaths are people who have little to no conscience. They will lie, cheat, steal and manipulate others for their own benefit. They're really nice and charming at first, but it's extremely fake. There is no reasoning with this person. Things have to be their way or it's the highway. They will blame you for hurting them (even if they're the ones who hurt you) or blame the world for all their problems. They are compulsive liars and even if they do apologize, it's never genuine. Piece of advice: Once you realize that you are dealing with a sociopath, RUN."
When Jen 'discovers' that Marco is a sociopath, everything becomes clear to her, and she 'comprehends' the reasons for his adultery and hurtful behavior. This doesn't make things any easier, though, and Jen continues to stalk Marco and Croella online. Jen's sadness - and her painful discoveries about Marco's new relationship - make her physically ill.
Jen Waite grew physically ill
She gets stomach aches and panic attacks; loses weight; doesn't shower; is unable to leave the house for any length of time; and so on. It's not until Jen seeks help from a professional psychologist that she begins to move on (very very slowly).
At the beginning of the book, Jen avers that she's not a mental health professional, and can't make a clinical diagnosis of psychopathy (mental illness). I'm not a mental health professional either, and I'm not at all convinced Marco is a sociopath. It seems to me that Marco - like many other men - might just be a serial cheater who can't keep his pants zipped. That said, Marco is not a nice guy....and IT IS telling that he shows no interest in little Louisa and never sees her.
Marco had numerous affairs with women
Other reviewers have mentioned that Jen should have allowed more time to pass before writing a book about her trauma, and I agree. I think that further distance from the breakup would have allowed Jen to pen a more objective narrative. It's very harsh to throw around the word sociopath....particularly with no clinical diagnosis by a trained therapist.
The book is readable, but it's repetitive, stuffed with filler, and feels fictionalized (to me). Jen 'remembers' incidents in remarkable detail and spends a good part of the book talking about her child. In the narrative, Jen is constantly kissing Louisa's head; smoothing the baby's hair; looking into the child's eyes; dressing the child; undressing the child; breastfeeding the baby; talking to Louisa; cooing at Louisa; walking to the beach with the baby; walking through the mall with the baby; passing Louisa to grandma; passing Louisa to grandpa; and so forth. I have no doubt that Jen loves Louisa, but I don't need to hear that much about it.
Jen Waite and Lousia
All in all, I wouldn't call this a great book, but I think it might be helpful to people who have doubts about their partner (to show them how to identify a cheater); and to people going through a painful breakup (to demonstrate that there's light at the end of the tunnel).
Jen plans to become a licensed therapist, specializing in recovery from psychopathic relationships - and I wish her the best of luck with that.
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