Millions of people watched Hannah Brown get engaged the first time. The second time was a more private event, wearing "clothes that were on the floor, three days old," she shared on her podcast, "Better Tomorrow."
The love on "The Bachelorette" was a seven-week whirlwind. This one, with fiancé Adam Woolard, is “a steady love,” she captioned an Instagram post of the couple.
Speaking to TODAY.com, the 29-year-old elaborates about what those words mean in the context of her reality TV career, personal growth and her nearly three-year relationship with Woolard.
"In the past I don't think I knew what love was at all. I thought it had to be all these highs and lows. The more extreme you went, the more you cared about someone. I'm realizing that is not the only type of love," she says.
"There's one that feels more calm, and doesn't make you have those beautiful high highs, and extreme pain on the other side. There can be consistency in knowing that you're accepted and cherished," she continues. "That is what I have with Adam."
You could call it a “journey” to a new kind of love. Just don't ask her about the wedding.
"People are asking, 'Do you have a date? Where do you want to get married?' I have no idea," she says.
Below, Brown walks us through the “unlearning” she’s done since her time on "The Bachelorette," as well as her new projects, like hosting a podcast and writing novels.
A 'journey' away from red flags
Bachelor Nation often uses the word "journey" as a stand-in for falling in love, replete with trademark rituals like "rose ceremonies," "hometown visits" and "fantasy suites."
Brown went through that love-by-elimination process twice, first as a contestant on Colton Underwood's season of "The Bachelor" and then as the lead of Season 15 of the "Bachelorette" franchise.
Then 24, Brown's pedigree included a Miss Alabama sash and a bubbly, unrestrained, refreshingly honest outlook that made her a fan favorite.
She ended her time on the show with a romp in a windmill, a memorable speech to her season's "villain" and a proposal from a contestant who ended up being not what he seemed.
Jed Wyatt, her winner, said that he went on "The Bachelorette" to further his music career. (In Bachelor terms, this is called not going on the show for "the right reasons.")
Brown and Wyatt broke up before the season aired. He is also now engaged.
Following her botched engagement, Brown stayed in the public eye as a prominent member of Bachelor Nation, the winner of 2019's "Dancing With the Stars" and most recently, author.
Unlike others in her cohort, she sailed away from the show’s dating pool, finding love on Hinge rather than “Bachelor in Paradise.”
Off-camera, Brown says, is where the emotional work happened. In addition to breaking up with fiancé Jed Wyatt, she says she broke up with "red flags" —and the pull she felt toward people who exhibited them.
"I thought I loved red flags. That has been the most unlearning. I started to see ... some of these things are toxic, but I'm just a part of it as the red flag, because I keep going toward that. I had to make the conscious decision to stop," she says.
Take her time with Luke Parker on "The Bachelorette." The CrossFit enthusiast told Brown he was falling in love with her within the first two days of the show, then carried himself as if he had already won ("I feel like you already think that it’s promised to you and that bothers me a lot,” she once told him.) The relationship ended after Parker was angry that Brown chose to be intimate with other people.
During the pre-fantasy suite breakup, Brown admitted she had been "ignoring red flags."
When she went back into dating after the show, she decided to be more vigilant and "take the advice she gives others."
She says her relationship with Woolard, a model and entrepreneur, is "totally different" than any relationship she's been in —and that unfamiliarity wasn't always comfortable.
"There have been moments of friction in that. My nervous system is not used to calm. It's used to the red flag," she says.
Brown says the relationship caused her to look back on past patterns and the role she played in perpetuating unhealthy relationship dynamics.
"I was able to play 'my part' when there was a red flag. At first (with Adam), I was like, 'I don't know how to play my part. He's the most quintessential green flag there ever was. What I learned is there's something we need to evaluate in us if we keep seeing that we're finding ourselves going on dates, or being around, people who are 'red flags,'" she says.
The anxiety and bliss of engagements
On her podcast, Brown uses her trademark openness to start conversations around what people typically don't talk about, such as the "complicated, contradictory emotions" that can surround even the happiest moments — like an engagement.
"No matter how wonderful the guy you're deciding to spend the rest of your life is — you're making a huge choice into the next chapter of your life," she says. "We always see the beautiful pictures. 'Best day ever' with your ring up."
That's why Brown is sharing the real story of her engagement, not her fairy tale. Brown says the prospect of a second engagement brought up feelings from the first one, even if it was “for the best” that she and Wyatt weren’t together.
“I know Adam would have done it a long time ago. It’s not that I didn’t love him or see a future with him. But I needed some time,” she says.
The week before she got engaged she spiraled about the definition of love.
"He was like, 'What do you mean?' But being a cycle breaker comes with answering these big questions," she says.
She appreciates having someone "able to talk, rather than run away."
She had a panic attack after Woolard told her the exact day of the proposal, she said on her podcast. She immediately contacted her therapist for an emergency session, leading to the conclusion that she wanted to be engaged, just not "know" in advance.
"Even saying this, and why people don't talk about it, is because people are going to say, 'Oh gosh, she's thinking she made a terrible mistake.' I do not think I made a terrible mistake," Brown tells TODAY.com. "I'm just being honest that there can be a juxtaposition of emotions at the same time, and that's OK. It's a continuation of breaking cycles and choosing something different than I did before. That's a good step."
'Better Tomorrow' and new novels
Brown says Woolard makes her feel "accepted and appreciated" even as she talks through these big ideas. She tries to do the same on her podcast, "Better Tomorrow."
During the pandemic, Brown said she wrote this quote on a mirror she passed every day: "Am I better today than I was yesterday?"
Sometimes the answer was no. But"taking that time every day, just a little bit of time to like, sit with myself and be honest, never really led to multiple days of 'no' in a row," she says.
Her podcast is a way to ask that question publicly and invite guests listeners to consider their answer, too.
While she's branched out into self-improvement space, Brown knows that love stories are what launched her. In addition to living them, she's writing them. The first book of her two-book deal with the publishing imprint Forever, entitled "Mistakes Were Made," comes out in May.
"It's been great to step back into (love stories) with something I've loved more privately, reading or writing," she says. "This is a dream come true for me."
Maybe it's not the only one.
Elena Nicolaou
Elena Nicolaou is a senior entertainment editor at Today.com, where she covers the latest in TV, pop culture, movies and all things streaming. Previously, she covered culture at Refinery29 and Oprah Daily. Her superpower is matching people up with the perfect book, which she does on her podcast, Blind Date With a Book.
