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thinking!!!!!!!! about college

ok so going back to this post from wayy back in august (rbing it again would be a mess)

i think it'd be important for me to give a reflection on what this was about. i was making a planning-presentation months ago, which i shouldnt be so afraid to show but rereading my writing produces the same guttural yuck and fear that looking at my old art used to. and it led to all of these pieces. click for full view bc some of them are cropped

writing being the one thing im horrified of is ironic for me asking. but i have to ask if anyone's sincerely interested in my personal analysis of these ? i considered video format but if i wuss out of using my voice i might find some other way

and um. as for how i feel about them, i love these to death and can feel my hand aching thinking about every colored-pencil motion but i just dont feel like i attached myself to these in the way i wanted to. EXCEPT the second piece where a lamb is being snatched by the sky itself. although they do live up to their own messages to me

i discovered that, while i wanted to focus a lot on the aspects of feeling inhuman as a personal identity, in the second half it shifted more to perception. every individual is some sort of monster, creature, or animal because they are not "known" or acknowledged by hypothetical human-set standards, thus making them "unknown." this entire mini-portfolio is literally about the "unknown." the "unknown" is something i keep repeating a lot when im trying to grasp at this same concept. if a person cannot read your expression or wants to mischaracterize what you're thinking, you are "unknown." its really basic nature to be afraid of the unknown, but it's another step to invent new reasons to be afraid via an untrained disgust reaction for anything not reasonably comfortable, familiar, safe. and the attempt at creating "familiarity" is through assigning labels to things around you, simply put. which is just a bandaid shutting the teeth of some beast, to me

after all these months i still dont know what part of me this is about by the way. something behavioral. for example im pretty sure i weird people the FUCK out by staying silent or keeping to myself. and it took me years to realize that actually has a reason to scare people

what im saying is. dear marginalized ppl please keep depicting yourselves as weird monsters that scare people and bite. or some other strange thing that accomplishes the task of Just Sitting There.

im so happy this is essentially completed by the way ? i had another piece i never finished (im not sure i want to, colored pencils fucked me over hard) its just that i didnt think the months would pass that fast. writing about it was really nice when i was trying to kind of realize the mindset for my future personal art too. idk if anyone from the old post is still here but thanks again for the resources :)

hellooooo @talks-with-the-void here! :) I reeaaaally want to commission art from you (not entirely sure if I can afford it soon tho, but I plan to!!) but I have a hard time to estimate how the different size options would look?? like, could you maybe add some example pictures for each size to your commission page or post them or something?? cause I have no clue what for example 90x90 pixels Look Like :') that would be really helpful!! :3

you're right, i'm working on adding more to my portfolio and i'll label them too

TLDR, the smaller the canvas size, the bigger the pixels will seem. this also means there's less room for detail

this icon of Cinnamon is (SMALL) 48x48. this is a good size for portraits and objects or items

this strawberry and paw button icon is (SMALL) 32x32. this size is best for items, obejcts, and simplified portraits. i choose the specifics of the canvas size based on what i'm tasked with making. if you choose "small" and pick character art, i will make it on a 48x48 canvas by default and you dont need to choose that. it's just a guide to tell you how small/big the pixels will look in the end

this posed art of @subjectseventeen is (MEDIUM) 96x80. this size is better for character art and anything else you can think of.just like the small sized canvas, i choose the specific canvas size based on what i'm making

this gif of dolli dimples & sally sashay is 280x220. i dont offer this size right now but it's to give you a better idea of what differently sized pixel art means - as you can see, much more detail can be fit into larger canvases. the big canvas is best for all things, especially things that require a lot of detail.

i dont currently offer this size because my commissions are already on the expensive end and the amount of time/detail that goes into these big canvases is just... Too Much !

(link to my commissions page if anyone wants to see)(also, here's a sliiightly-outdated portfolio of my work on games)

more about pixel art/artistic process below if anyone's curious

pixel art is basically so small because the devices and games which use it have very small memories. this is why i start with as small of a canvas as possible and keep the canvas small (17's canvas is horizontal.) it also saves space if the art is transferred onto anything, such as turned into a sticker or badge, there's basically no border so it wont need to be cropped. the canvas sizes used are all multiples of 16 because that's traditionally how pixel art has been made - makes moving sprites much easier for computers to understand for the game i work on. it's also a good size to make repeating patterns with for tiles in games - and it's the sizing reference my background canvas uses so it's sort of like a ruler for spacing certain things

each grey square is 16 pixels, meaning 4 squares is 32 pixels and so on

this isnt why pixel art is called "8bit/16bit/32bit" though, THOSE numbers refer to how many colours were used in the game's entire palette to, again, reduce the memory it takes up as much as possible. modern pixel artists generally dont use these words because we dont usually work in hyper-limited palettes. we do still use limited palettes (for me, usually 1 base 2 shade 1 highlight per colour) and again it's to reduce memory size of the file and it helps with keeping your art consistent :0)

it kinda sucks how much visual math goes into making pixel art because im actually so. SO. bad at math .

yay yippie, commissions are open! :]

i will have 3-5 slots open for this month (and hopefully each month) depending on what kind of commissions I get !there is some more about the terms of service under the cut

rights:- i own the rights to the artpieceaka i can post it on my portfolio or social media unless stated otherwise (so make sure to inform me if you dont want me to post it!!)

- selling or using the artwork for any commercial use is NOT allowed

- you are however allowed to post the artworks on your social media but please credit me properly!

- DO NOT under any circumstance use the artwork for AI training, NFTs, cryptocurency etc.

more on references and workflow:- please send as many references as possible!!!

- i cannot stress enough how much i appreciate all sorts of references (art examples, sketches, pose refs, character sheets, pinterest boards, written descriptions etc etc)

- i will send wip updates for each stage to make sure everything is in order and to your liking

HOWEVER!! big changes can only be made during the sketching phase and at most during the lineart stage

it will take me up to 1-2 weeks for each commission depending on complexity of the artwork and my scheduleso if you have a deadline please inform me in advance!

giveaway closed! thanks everyone!

i didnt reach a milestone or anything just feel like it lol

prizes:there will be 2 winners who can each pick one prize they want from the following options :

1 full-body, lined piece of any character with flat colors (example)

1 custom character design/adoptable (example)

1 set of three visual novel sprites of any character (example)

if you like a different art style i use than the ones shown here thats also possible!

how to enter:this give-away will run until january 14th and ill announce the winner january 15th :)

to enter, reblog this post! only 1 entry per person, you can reblog more than once but i wont count it multiple times. i would appreciate you following me, but i wont require it as i dont want to just get unfollowed right after lol, but pls follow if you do enjoy my art!!

ill pick the winners via randomizer!

terms of service and what i will/wont draw under the cut :)

i will draw:

original characters and fanart

art of real people that is NOT nsfw or suggestive

gore or mild nsfw/suggestive art if youre 18+ only

furries but i draw them super weird so you have to be ok with this style sdlfkjmdfljsdf (i cant do stylized furries, only like. regular people w animal heads)

i wont draw:

suggestive art of underage characters

gore of underage characters

very detailed armor or costuming (sorry, i reserve that for commissions!)

winners can freely use the piece as an icon, banner, character reference, etc on whatever websites they wish - i appreciate being credited!

i will retain the right to post the piece to my art social media and portfolio unless its a portrait of a real person (i will credit you if its your original character!).

winners may not monetize the piece in any way (eg: reselling a design, using sprites in a paid visual novel), but may exchange designs or use the piece in free projects, so long as appropriate credit is given.

Hi I wonder

If/when you finish Geno’s sculpture will you be able to program it to move? Like animation?

I’m not familiar with 3d modeling

this is a very good question, actually! cause the easy answer is yes, absolutely. the more complicated answer is that the topology i've modeled is optimized for sculpture rather than animation, so to turn it into an animated character and get clean movement i would have to make some modifications around the sections that deform the most (shoulders, elbows, knees, etc). brief lunchtime course in topology under the cut :)

the topology or 'wireframe' of a character represents the polygons. and each polygon is defined by vertices which are the actual coordinates stored in the computer that tells it to render these objects!

on the left is the sculpt that im working on, and on the right is the 'smoothed' version where the computer calculates a curved spline between points instead of a flat polygon (with certain specific case like where i've told it to 'crease' edges which will keep the sharp polygon line).

My goal in this sculpt (like the skate and the helmet and the gear) was to keep polycount as low as possible to give myself the cleanest lines in a way similar to how i process drawings. This means i have large shapes with as few polygons as i can get away with, so there's certain areas that have very very few polygons entirely. The biggest example of this is the back and the shoulder/arm connection:

if i were topologizing this for animation the 'wireframe' lines would be concentrated where deformation happens. So when I raise the arm the shoulder would have enough geo to stay defined and smooth instead of stretching. right now if i bent his elbow it would cause this problem. luckily, im only planning to bend his elbow for a few poses in a final sculpt - so when i finish with the pose i will go back in and add whatever extra geo is necessary.

anyway the purpose of my sculpting with as little polygons as i can is to keep the silhouette as well as keeping it as clean as possible so that it'll look good in toon shaders. (you can see the 'active points' is under 4k' in the corner there)

the best example i have of this is the face which is absolutely not done so dont judge me but its finally at a point where it doesnt look too terrifying:

on the right is the quick sculpt i did just to get a feel for his face in 3D - this was done with clay sculpting and you can see even though i used the hard surface brush its made up of millions of little vertices so doesn't have that 'clean' look. the goal is to make the gray spaces between as flat as possible to make that toon 2D look in 3D. :)

my face topology is based off which lines i want to 'show' as my 'drawing' lines and wouldn't necessarily result in good animation. geno's lips are driving me crazy - i have so many photos and still they aren't good enough. there's that bow shape on his bottom lip that i'm trying to recreate in geo and its slow going. i take a break from whatever apps or shit im working on, tinker with his lip shape for a half hour, and then go back to working lol.

here's an example of a hard surface object which doesn't deform (because if a helmet squishes thats....thats probably a very bad sign for the player) and so can be as high res as i want it to be to get the level of detail i want:

why am i doing all this? i dunno im crazy. sometime in october a character artist from a big name studio told me my portfolio needed to reflect their 'style' more if i wanted to be hired there and my reaction was well fuck this im figuring out what my OWN style looks like in 3D. probably not the smartest career move. (ive spent 10 years in this industry and i have been a chameleon the entire time blending into everyone else's style. if im spending my own money on this i want it to be mine)

but, going back to the original question, my vision back in october was a beauty sculpt of geno in some action shot - on the ice with the puck or celly. and the sculpt would be crisp and clean and lit with sharp angular lights like how i draw (getting his cheekbone right is a must and makes me cry). and on a turntable. so thats the goal, no animation necessary, and its looking like i might get there in the next month. :)

the, uh, torso sculpt is cause i want to do an extra pose of him looking sexy in his locker stall with his armor gear and shit (pants ON though, you can see i have not sculpted past the waist :P). thats just for me lmao.

Im opening up commissions and general purchase stuff. Both for my sewing and for 2d art.

I'll get info sheets made and stuff, but for now I have a list of what everything is, and have tried to provide photos for most stuff.

Here is my portfolio website as well.

http://sleepydesigns.co/

Dm me if you're interested, and we can discuss. I'll remake this post when i get better assets made. I'll take payment on paypal or cashapp. I also have venmo.

Here's a list of some of the stuff i make

Sewing

I make custom dice bags, those are 12-16 depending on the fabric and any add-ons. (Example: mine is embroidered, another has pearls and buttons on it) embroidery can be done but will cost more.

Scrunchies/hair ties. Most of them are cotton, but i make velvet and silk ones. Cotton is 3, velvet and silk are 4. You get a dollar off if you buy 2.

Customizable stuffed animals. You can pick the color, pattern, whatever. on these dolls, and they are made to order. The animals i have are a large dinosaur, large dragon, turtle, rabbit, dragon, and elephant. ( i think thats everything.) These all come with the date it was completed on its paw, so you know how old your new friend is.

Bumblebees!! These are little 7$ plushies that can sit on your desk or sleep with you, each one has a unique patten on its wing. It also comes with the date it was completed, so you know how old your new friend is.

Custom humanoid dolls. This can be from a photo of you or a loved one. Or you can send me art of your character. These are incredibly complex, detailed dolls, and i will work closely with you to make the doll. It's a long process that takes me several hours. As a result, these are at least $200. I only take one or two commissions for these a month at the moment.

I can take other commissions but we will have to discuss that.

Stickers

Potions. Each potion is completely unique. Each painted by me using India Inks. These paper stickers are in 3 different sizes. Small is 3, medium is 4, and large is 5. You can tell me what color you want, and if its not available in the size you want, i can likely make it.

Holographic spider's hat shop. This is a large vinyl Holographic sticker of a jumping spider wearing a water droplet hat, selling other tiny things for others to wear as hats. This sticker is $4. If i have any in may, there's mini paper ones for $2

Milkshake pride stickers. These are paper stickers meant to be semi-subtle pride flags. I have the following flags, and can add more. Lesbian, omni, bi, ace and aro, demisexual, demiromantic, pan, rainbow, nonbinary, trans, and intersex. These are $2 each. I also have a tiny sticker set of all of them for the same price.

Fairy. This fairy sticker is a paper sticker of a fairy holding a mushroom as an umbrella. It is $2

Frog with a tophat. This is a paper sticker of a cute little frog with a tophat. He's rather dapper. $2

Fox leaping. This is a paper sticker of a red fox. It is also $2

Red mushroom this paper sticker will not be remade, i have a few left. It's a cartoony red mushroom in some grass. It's $1.50

? Block i dont think i can really say what brand this is based on. It's a paper sticker. $1.50

Art commissions

It is probably worth mentioning that i have a BFA, so that does affect my pricing slightly (on my illustrative work)

I am flexible in style, and can do a fair number of stylized things. No realism.

$20 for a base sketch

$30 for basic shading

$45 for full shading/the works

Each character after that will be half the price.

A background will be $5-10 depending on how detailed it is. By default you get a plain background

idk how far this will reach but if you wanna spread it, i think it could gather some info worth sharing!

does anyone know anything about going back to college- but you already finished? like, undergraduate bachelors degree, but different than what you did the first time. in america, i'm sure it's complicated even further by the liberal arts requirements if theyre applicable.

like for example, what do you do if you DID get a college degree BUT:

1) you end up wanting a career you didnt plan for, that requires some kind of graduate degree. you would try applying to grad school, but getting that graduate experience requires relevant undergraduate experience you don't have

2) your interests just change and you want to increase your knowledge/employability with a bachelor's in a different field

3) you didn't excel in undergraduate the first time (for whatever reason; for me it was unmedicated adhd/depression and the fact that my school simply wasn't very prestigious and didn't have that many opportunities to create a portfolio good enough for a high quality grad program) and therefore can't really get into a quality graduate program because you lack the research experience/thesis/dissertation/published work/grades/writing samples/whatever that they are looking for to admit you

4) your interests changed but it was too late to change your major, or you just didn't for whatever reason, and now you're stuck with your degree

undergraduate aside, graduate school in america is a tough cookie- if you get into a good program, it should pay for itself, and maybe even pay you! but if you don't have the necessary background, those opportunities are so limited and then grad school costs a motherfucking fortune. like, even if i want to study the same topics in grad school that i did in undergrad, how do i do that if i cant get in? or if i can only get in to a mid- or low-quality program and not receive any financial assistance?

my undergraduate institution was not prestigious or rigorous. i have no valuable research experience, very short writing samples only because i was never required/allowed to write long assignments (ESPECIALLY for my foreign language degree), irrelevant writing samples from my gen-eds that don't help me demonstrate my knowledge in the desired subject/field, maybe 1? decent research paper (written in a language that is not english) and its not even that great because the research wasn't like experiments and stuff it was just websites and one study that i dont even remember if it was peer reviewed, no thesis because it wasnt a thing at our school, and i have a decently high GPA from my foreign language major and an average GPA from my psychology major that i don't need or plan to use in my career.

i feel like starting over college as a freshman would be a little overkill and awkward and maybe not even possible? because i've already graduated and it's not the life/social experience that i need/want. i'm not trying to relive my glory days here (although for me, college was not that glorious). i don't wanna be stuck in BIO-100 with a bunch of bored, apathetic zoomers

i just... am not that employable in any field that i actually have an interest in or passion for. is there such a thing as another chance for graduates like me?